Hi, here is a dark poem about cocaine

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas

One where I rail powdered snow

In my fantasy I feel wired

As I bang that Christmassy blow


I’m dreaming of a white Christmas

In my mind my choice is sure

In this dream of mine I cut lines

That can’t be more than 10% pure


I’m dreaming of a white Christmas

One where I’m too hot, then too cold

And when I catch my reflection in the glass

I can’t see my face is getting old


I’m dreaming of a white Christmas

One where I used to touch the sky

I felt good, I felt safe, I felt loved

Now forever chasing that high


I’m dreaming of a white Christmas

One where I never felt tempted by coke.

Because via popular media, I grew up

Seeing drug use treated like a joke.

5 language learning tips I wish someone had told me sooner, to be honest


First of all, clickbait titles can piss off. I refuse to label these as “hacks”; they will not magically make you fluent, but they may very well aid you in your journey to the linguistic mastery of a foreign tongue. These are useful, but they work best when used alongside practising vocabulary and grammar and all of the other boring things you have to do. Onwards!

  1. Change all of your electronics into your target language. I’m talking your phone, your iPad, your computer, your limited edition pink Nintendo 3DS XL (we’re getting oddly specific here, I’ll stop now.) You get the idea. 🙂
  2. Change your location on sites like youtube and google to wherever they speak whatever it is that you’re trying to learn. The results will bring about videos from your target language’s country, which means vocab will go in.
  3. Watch Netflix in your target language, with subtitles on. Depending on how confident you feel, you can get bonus points by actually watch a programme or film with subtitles in your target language. I’m possibly the last person you’d trust hearing something regarding bingeing, but bingeing on Netflix in a foreign language must be good for you. Right?
  4. Listen to foreign language radio stations- easily found with a google search.
  5. Check out italki.com. It is a website that allows you to (for a fee) talk with a native speaker for an hour, so you can really get on top of those oral skills. Might be a bit of a mouthful though. Some things might be really hard. Tough to swallow all that information. (I’ll stop with the innuendos now…)

There we have it, my top tips that I wish someone had told me a bit sooner. They do really help, and if you genuinely commit, you can really see some improvements in no time at all.

Much love,


Hi, here’s an inappropriate poem for you.

To the boy with the bible and the little red car,

For you I would take off more than my bra,

We both know by now that I’m more than a friend,

So take me back yours, over your desk I’ll bend,

You’re lovely and like me you’re not at all sporty,

Babe let’s go the distance so we can be naughty,

For you darling I will be ever so good,

To the whole world (except you) I’m misunderstood,

And although from Uni I’ve sadly departed,

The fun we will have is not for the faint hearted

Wherever you are in the world’s where it’s at,

So put down your textbook and check your snapchat 😉


(Totally written by a friend, not me.)

Blogger, Student, addict.

Dear Reader,

As you may have noticed in the title, one of the three words listed above is a bit unusual. The truth is, I am 20 and alongside being a (rookie) blogger and a (sort of) student (I’ll address that later), I am an addict.

I have been an addict for as long as I can remember. It all boils down to having a bit (understatement of the year) of an addictive personality. The type of addict I am means that I work in binges: so, I can function without needing to give in to my addiction for a while, but eventually I will snap and need to get my fix.

A fix of what, though?

Well, it started out with bubblegum. When I was a kid, I would pretty much buy strawberry hubba bubba in bulk and binge on it until I felt sick, and then not touch the stuff until months had passed and I was hit with another craving.

Then it moved onto alcohol. I found out that I liked feeling the effects of alcohol when I was a young teenager. I could binge on alcohol, and get absolutely plastered without having any sings of a hangover. This was dangerous though, as I quickly became addicted to it, and binged on it at weird times- including mid-week mornings and alone in my room after lights out.

Then along came drugs. I had dabbled with legal highs and solvents before even having drunk alcohol, but my “hard” drug addiction emerged in my later teenage years. It started out in a pretty textbook manner: I smoked weed with my friends, and eventually I started taking harder things, and then harder things on my own.

By 19, I was addicted to cocaine. I would binge on it over the course of a few days, and then somehow be able to leave it alone for a short while, until I would come crawling back to it.

By 20, I was addicted to methamphetamine. Again, I would binge on it like there was no tomorrow (and at the rate I was going at, it often felt like there wouldn’t be). I managed to completely quit everything for a while, but my addiction thrives off chaos, and I started to use again when things got tough in my personal life.

What about the student part?

Well, was a student. I was a student in a Russell group university, and my grades were (miraculously) quite good. But my University had to ask me to leave to sort myself out. There weren’t really any other viable options, and I am so grateful to them for giving me this amazing opportunity to sort myself out and then return as a clean and sober 21 year old.

But the thing is, I do actually have to return as a clean and sober 21 year old. 

Fancy joining me on my journey?

Much love,