And somehow, I woke up today not feeling angry. I didn’t want to waste my money on drugs. I didn’t want to shout at the world. I felt free from the desire to use.
I’m sitting on a train in London and it somehow feels easy right now. I’m aware that it isn’t always going to be like this, but I have to find a way to protect my future self while I still feel this strong.
What can I do to help the version of myself that desperately wants to use? What can I do to stop the me in the future from cutting a line and snorting it through a McDonald’s straw cut into three? How can I stop the future Helena from going and buying a bag of gear and smoking it in my friend’s flat?
I need to be tactical.
Watch this space.