My boyfriend is a twat: the poem

Can we go trampolining?

He doesn’t want to go trampolining.

So, we don’t go trampolining.

 

Will you eat me out?

He says he will eat me out.

He doesn’t eat me out.

 

You don’t want a birthday party?

So, you make a fuss, and have one anyway.

Except you won’t tolerate a cake surprise.

 

You don’t like your housemates?

So, you keep your distance.

Except you actually refuse to interact with them at all.

 

Your mum is a bitch and doesn’t care?

So, you don’t contact her, and bitch about her when she’s not around.

And still wonder why she does it.

 

What if I get pregnant?

I have to get an abortion.

Because even though it’s not your body it’s still your choice.

 

When are we getting married?

He says one day, but not too soon.

Also, not too early: when he chooses.

 

Shall we have sex?

“Sure. Here’s 8 months of sex.

Now we have to stop because Jesus said so.”

 

Will you change for me?

Of course he will change.

He said he was sorry, too.

 

Do I believe him?

No.

 

 

 

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