My chest hurts. My chest beats and with each pulse there is a surge of pain. As I write this there are pains down my left arm and my legs are tingling.
I am powerless over my addiction. I wish I was powerless over my recovery. I wish I couldn’t help but get better. I wish instead of walking for miles in the rain, spending stupid amounts of my savings on crap, I walked for miles in the rain to get to a meeting.
I wish I had never done that first line when I was a teenager. Sanity and insanity are separated by a small white line, and that line is the best and worst thing that could ever happen to you.
But that’s the thing; drugs didn’t ever happen to me. I went and found them all by myself. And they found me in return and turned against me.
My chest has stopped hurting, but I feel dizzy and lightheaded. Possibly because I haven’t eaten properly in days.
I need a sponsor in NA. How do you get one?
The one thing running through my mind right now is simply to have another line. In the last 4 hours I’ve done 6 long, fat lines, and I can’t stop. I wish I could stop by choice not by circumstance.