Blogger, Student, addict.

Dear Reader,

As you may have noticed in the title, one of the three words listed above is a bit unusual. The truth is, I am 20 and alongside being a (rookie) blogger and a (sort of) student (I’ll address that later), I am an addict.

I have been an addict for as long as I can remember. It all boils down to having a bit (understatement of the year) of an addictive personality. The type of addict I am means that I work in binges: so, I can function without needing to give in to my addiction for a while, but eventually I will snap and need to get my fix.

A fix of what, though?

Well, it started out with bubblegum. When I was a kid, I would pretty much buy strawberry hubba bubba in bulk and binge on it until I felt sick, and then not touch the stuff until months had passed and I was hit with another craving.

Then it moved onto alcohol. I found out that I liked feeling the effects of alcohol when I was a young teenager. I could binge on alcohol, and get absolutely plastered without having any signs of a hangover. This was dangerous though, as I quickly became psychologically addicted to it, and binged on it at weird times- including mid-week mornings and alone in my room after lights out. Often I would binge on it so much I would become physically dependent on it and would get the shakes in the morning before school.

Then along came drugs. I had dabbled with legal highs and solvents before even having drunk alcohol, but my “hard” drug addiction emerged in my later teenage years. It started out in a pretty textbook manner: I smoked weed with my friends, and eventually, I started taking harder things, and then harder things on my own.

By 19, I was addicted to cocaine. I would binge on it over the course of a few days, and then somehow be able to leave it alone for a short while, until I would come crawling back to it.

By 20, I was addicted to methamphetamine. Again, I would binge on it like there was no tomorrow (and at the rate I was going at, it often felt like there wouldn’t be). I managed to completely quit everything for a while, but my addiction thrives off chaos, and I started to use again when things got tough in my personal life.

What about the student part?

Well, was a student. I was a student in a Russell group university, and my grades were (miraculously) quite good. But my University had to ask me to leave to sort myself out. There weren’t really any other viable options, and I am so grateful to them for giving me this amazing opportunity to sort myself out and then return as a clean and sober 21 year old.

But the thing is, I do actually have to return as a clean and sober 21 year old. 

Fancy joining me on my journey?

Much love,

Helena.

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